Molester Still Married to Sister-In-Law

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,

My wife was molested by her sister's husband before we met, but the family didn't want her sister to find out because they didn't want to upset her, so they swept it under the rug. My wife had a nervous breakdown about it and her sister found what happened, but is still with her husband. My sister-in-law has pretty much dismissed her husband's actions.

My wife has also had a bout with bulimia, but is doing fine now. My wife and I are forced to face my wife's molester on a weekly basis and pretend everything is fine. I have been told to keep my mouth shut about the matter so as to not upset my sister-in-law. We even help my sister-in-law clean her house as they are slobs. How I should handle this situation?

Signed,

Bound n' gagged

Dear Bound n' gagged,

Your wife's sister has chosen her molester husband over her sister. Your mother-in-law and father-in-law are enabling this very dysfunctional relationship as well.

One suggestion is to seek family counseling for you, your wife, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, and father-in-law. However, they have been in denial to the extent that counseling may not help.

If that is the case, then your wife has suffered enough. It is time for you and your wife to begin a new life without her family. As hard as it will be for your wife, she must come to realize that she no longer has a sister, mother, and father. They have betrayed your wife in favor of a molester.

You and your wife should see a counselor to help her get over the loss of her relationship with her family and her traumatic experience of being molested.

You and your wife should make yourselves unavailable to her family. No more visits, no helping out, and no phone contact or limit calls.

In addition, unless you sister-in-law's husband has sought treatment for his problem, he may molest again. The counselor can guide you on steps to help make sure he stops molesting.