Lack of Courtesy Indicates Lack of Respect

Dear Dr. Dave and Dr. Dee,

My 39-year-old boyfriend (1) doesn't introduce me to others at HIS events; (2) doesn't thank me for making dinners or if I treat him to something; (3) doesn't compliment me. He knows that it hurts my feelings because I have told him, and he says he’ll try to do better, but nothing changes. Otherwise he is very nice and loving. How should I handle this?

Signed,

Hurt

Dear Hurt,

If someone knows that they are hurting your feelings, but doesn’t care enough to fix the problem, then maybe he isn’t as nice and loving after all. Lack of courtesy means more than simple lack of manners. Since he knows how you feel, his continued discourteous conduct indicates his lack of consideration and respect for you.

Important qualities needed for a lasting relationship are mutual kindness, consideration, thoughtfulness, respect, and appreciation.

If you want to stay with him, then you have to change your attitude about feeling slighted. Otherwise, anger and resentment will build. Or, since he will not change, you can decide that his attitude and behavior are too demeaning to continuing the relationship.